


One Last Season

by EllieAird



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Protective Kara Danvers, Protective Lena Luthor, Sorry for all the character tags kaznian kara still has a bunch
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-07-09 04:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19881883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieAird/pseuds/EllieAird
Summary: She didn't ask for this. Be born with Kara's thoughts and feelings. She didn't think it would be this hard, until she saw Lena Luthor, the woman she loves, in the arms of someone just like her. Kara's arms. The person she was but could never be again.Linda/Red Daughter is rescued by Kara and has to come now face to face to the fact that she has to share a life with someone that's just like her. This is her journey, throughout a year, about discovering herself and finally getting the happy ending she deserves.





	One Last Season

**Author's Note:**

> It's me again, whipped by our beloved Russian/Kaznian Kara- Linda Lee Danvers - Red Daughter - Snowbird that makes me write.
> 
> Pardon my mistakes but let me know about them so I get better, I'm trying to learn English as I write. As always, your comments make me smile and also cheer me up to keep on writing. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this 4 chapter ride that finally has the happy ending my bean deserves.

_I know that Beauty must ail and die,_

_And will be born again--but ah, to see_

_Beauty stiffened, staring up at the sky!_

_Oh, Autumn! Autumn!--What is the Spring to me?_

_Mikhail! Mikhail!_

The blonde runs after the little boy. She feels the Kryptonite inside her body, green consuming her mind and making every single one of her bones ache, while she feels her soul being ripped apart from her. It seems like her skin wants to leave her body and escape, and, sadly, she understands the feeling.

She too wants to escape, and leave behind everything that has been her life for the past months, but, as usual, she’s trapped in this nightmare. Running through a maze that seems to have no end, after a boy that she knows will not make it out of it alive. It’s infuriating that no matter how hard she tries to run faster, she can’t move the way she wants, and she’s stuck following the kid at an abnormally low speed, even for humans. At the same time, she can’t give up. She already knows how this will end, she has seen this in her mind at least 230 times already, she wants to spare herself from seeing the boy’s end, but her legs keep on moving, refusing to let go and escape.

So she continues, and walks faster and faster, knowing she’s about to reach the end when she sees him. Mikhail grabs a match that lights up and engulfs him. Again, she has to see him fade away.

She wakes up panting. Her ragged breaths get the best of her and she tries to calm down staring at the white ceiling, one that is suspiciously too close to her face. She senses the lightness on her body and realizes she’s floating. She sighs softly and closes her eyes again, focusing on taking deep breaths, in and out, to come back to normal. She focuses on the sounds of the city, people driving their cars to work, someone mumbling a sweet tune to a child that keeps on laughing, and hundreds of voices filling her ears, all getting ready to go back to their routines.

They’re so different from the sounds she heard back in Kaznia. Birds, the river where the men fished, the loud orders of the Commander in Chief to the youngest boys from the team and a constant knocking on her door telling her the routine she had to follow every day. She shakes her head to take away her thoughts and feels the first rays of sun go through the window and crawl up her body, giving her energy.

She feels how the sun starts penetrating her skin, pore by pore, and she relaxes feeling how every single fibre of her being starts coming back to life. Her powers growing stronger, her senses enhanced and—

She hears her stomach loudly grumbling.

 _Of course_ , her appetite making the first appearance of the day. What could she eat today? She had already gotten herself in trouble for trying to eat chocolate for breakfast a few days ago, and being completely honest, she isn’t in the mood to hear Alexandra Danvers complaining about her poor choices of food. But how could she blame her? She needs to understand that, after the strict “only fruits and vegetables” diet she had to endure in Kaznia, the only things she wants to eat now are pieces of junk food and sweets. She has a sweet tooth, and she’s also pretty unbothered by everyone’s complaints about it.

She softly starts moving down, but as soon as she does, she feels a small weight located in her hand giving her the tiniest resistance. Something or someone, keeping her steady. The blonde tries to guess and closes her eyes. It is too soft to be an object, too warm to be an alien, with a watch too big and heavy to belong to a reporter. She looks behind her shoulder, still floating and she brightly smiles when she sees her.

It has to be her.

A dishevelled brunette hair wrapped in a messy bun greets her and gives her the good morning she craves every day after waking up from the repetitive nightmare that haunts her. The woman is staring down at a newspaper, not realizing that her companion has already woken up. Her left arm is up in the air, her hand holding an alien’s hand tightly, while she uses her right hand to solve a crossword at what the Kryptonian suspects is 6:30 am.

The blonde keeps on smiling sheepishly. She hasn’t been to many places, and, obviously, she hasn’t encountered many people, but something right in her gut tells her that, even if she tries, she won’t find someone as odd and fantastic as Lena Luthor. Her brow is furrowed and she’s inadvertently biting on her lip while focusing, probably trying to figure out a riddle or trying to remember the word she needs. It has become a routine, at least, it has been this way since her arrival.

So she decides to help. She can see that Lena is focused on another section of the crossword, but the poem catches her attention. There is only one thing she’s thankful to Lex, and it is the fact that he introduced her to literature. He was guilty of making her spend hours of her life trapped in that tiny room but surrounded with books that kept her company and invited her to a world she hadn’t had the chance and privilege to explore.

Wuthering Heights was one of the first books she read. It was also the one that had made her feel attracted to the idea of meeting Lena, after Lex’s confession that this was one of his sister’s favourite books. Emily Brontë spoke to her, so she immediately knows the answer.

_Fall, leaves, fall; die, flowers, away;_

_Lengthen night and shorten day;_

_Every leaf speaks bliss to me_

_Fluttering from the ______ tree._

The girl goes down until she is lying on the bed and, even though the brunette does nothing to show her she has seen her awake, Lena’s arm softly follows the movement and lowers with her. Her pencil gets taken away and she sees the blonde writing the word.

A-U-T-U-M-M

Lena smiles and takes the pencil away dramatically, erasing the last M and writing a more stylish N, next to the rough handwriting of the Kaznian. The contrast is noticeable, but, looking it from afar, both types of letters merge quite good together, or at least that’s what the Kryptonian thinks while blushing for her dumb mistake.

“Good morning to you too, Linda.”

She still remembers the reason the woman has been keeping her company whenever she can. Most of the time she doesn’t make it to fall asleep with her, but whenever she has time, they both can share the morning. She feels safe around her, she gets to calm down each morning when she sees her and she feels a strike of guilt and shame when she goes back to the first night.

*

_“Hey, please! Wake up, it’s a dream.”_

_She feels someone’s arms grabbing her own and shaking her roughly. She can also feel she’s trembling and sweating, even though she doesn’t feel hot. The dream goes faster and faster and she knows she’s approaching the end, she knows what will happen to Mikhail, so she subconsciously tries to force her body to wake up, to prevent herself from seeing the end of the nightmare, but she fails, and fails, and fails again._

_The hands become more insistent on her and she wants to grab them and hold them so she can grasp reality for a second, prove herself this is only part of her mind and it’s not actually happening. That whatever Mikhail suffered can’t hurt him again and that he doesn’t blame her for not being there._

_Her body starts shaking violently while she tries to wake up with more intent this time and she feels her eyes burning. Someone lightly touches her eyelids, like trying to open her eyes for her and she can hear a quiet “ouch”. She recognizes the voice, it’s the voice of the real Alex. Alex Danvers._

_She wants to apologize for hurting her but she’s trapped, she wants to yell at her to go away because her eyes are being fuelled with rage and somehow she needs to let go of everything her mind is bottling in inside of her. Luckily, for both of them, Alex has lived with another Kryptonian almost her entire life, she knows what those burning eyelids mean._

_So she feels the human back off and yell “Kara!” at the top of her lungs, seconds away from feeling a pair of strong arms sit her down and hold her back, trapping her in a hug._

_“I got you. C’mon now.”_

_Snowbird screams without caring who hears and blasts her heat vision to the nearest surface while she suddenly escapes her mind. Kara doesn’t move nor she says anything, she only wraps her arms tighter and starts moving her lower hand to soothe her._

_When it stops and she sees a melted piece of furniture, she panics again. Partly because of the fear it produces her having no control of her body, but also because she doesn’t want to see the horrified faces of the people that saved her, probably second-guessing their decision. She hugs Kara tightly, but it’s not enough._

_She can’t breathe properly and she feels the anxiety taking control of her body, so she tries to push Kara away. “Lena”_

_Kara gently goes back and sees her, Snowbird takes her chance to get her back to the wall and bury her face on her knees, muttering the same name over and over again._

_“Lena? You want Lena?”_

_She nods, and Kara’s response comes right away._

_“She’s not here, she can’t—“_

_Snowbird becomes more insistent and grabs the pillow strongly “Lena!”_

_“Kara! Get her Lena.”_

_“I won’t bring my girlfriend here when she can’t control herself.”_

_And Snowbird can’t take it anymore. She feels the adrenaline rush again and the pain building, wanting to come out through her eyes one more time. Because she wouldn’t hurt her. She would never do something to hurt her. She can’t explain it, but she would destroy the entire world to protect her, and she can’t stand Kara doubting her, especially when it comes to the scientist. She knows better than that._

_She threads her hands in her hair and starts pulling. Enough for it to cause some sort of release, not enough for her to take hair off her head and cries. She cries like she’s never cried before. Her tears fill her eyes and she sees everything blurry. She sees Kara approaching her and hugging her, but Snowbird shrugs and gets her off her way while laying sideways and grabbing the pillow, pushing her face on it._

_She’s not embarrassed. She doesn’t care, she just wants the brunette near her. And she sobs._

_Kara hears the muttered words, and she knows what she hears, she knows that’s what she wants, but Kara doesn’t want to give in. Not only out of fear, but also out of some selfish pride that takes over her. She can’t bear seeing her other half so torn apart for the woman whom she knows should be only hers. She feels uncomfortable with the fact that there’s someone that needs Lena as much as she does, but even with all the jealousy and possessiveness that get the best of her, she sees Snowbird. She sees how broken she is and—_

_“Le- Le-na” Snowbird whimpers while she curls up and starts caressing her arm, up and down, trying to calm herself._

_Kara breathes out, defeated._

*

The name Linda still sounds weird to her. She is more used to being called Snowbird, since that’s how they called her back in Kaznia, and that’s how she asks people from the DEO to call her, including Kara, but having the name Linda rolling out of Lena’s mouth feels different.

She feels her heart fluttering every time she hears her say her name, so she lets her and encourages her to call her Linda. Linda Lee, she feels closer to Lena when she hears the name being spoken in that beautiful English with the hints of Irish decorating her speech. She smiles. Since the Luthor is the only one she has allowed to call her Linda, it feels like it has become their own special thing. For a moment, it seems like they’re only them, and unlike Mikhail’s dream, this is one she doesn’t want to ever wake up from.

“Good morning, Lena.” Linda says softly and gets lost in the pools of green staring back at her. She looks down immediately, feeling the blush taking control of her cheeks and starts playing with a strand of her hair, trying to get her mind on something else. “Uh—“

“Yes?”

The alien shakes her head quickly, without looking up and chuckles trying to hide her embarrassment “Nothing. It’s ok.”

She feels Lena’s fingers on her chin, forcing her to look up and Linda stares at her. Her eyebrows are relaxed, her eyes shine with that thing that makes Linda feel safe and welcomed, and her skin glows in the morning sun, making her look kind of out of this world.

“Hey, don’t hide from me, Linda.” Lena tells her reassuringly “You can tell Kara and me anything. You do know that, right?”

She shrugs her shoulders, and Lena rolls her eyes, annoyed.

“Go on, what did you want to ask?”

She swallows loudly and looks down again. She knows she has to tell her, otherwise, Lena is not going to stop pushing until she gets her answer. So she tries to gather her words and organizes her in her mind.

“Can I—” She clicks her tongue “No, I mean. Can we, uh—”

Lena laughs and gets on the bed, wrapping her arms around Linda and caressing her hair. Linda melts in her arms and returns the hug with the same emotion. She mentally thanks Lena for not making her complete the sentence, she knows she doesn’t need it, in the end, the brunette knows what Linda wanted to say. Lena gets her face close to her ear and whispers “ _Next time, I’m going to wake you up with one so you can stop thinking you need to ask, dumb dumb_.” before finishing with a kiss on the cheek.

*

_When Snowbird wakes up, she hears soft snores behind her and tiny puffs of air tickling her ear. She feels tired after the breakdown she had had, and her eyes are dry and sore. She tries to move, but the person behind her complains in her sleep and tightens her grip, cuddling her even more._

_She thinks maybe Kara is the one holding her, falling asleep after trying to calm her down, but Kara is all muscle. She, herself, is all sharp edges and rough skin. This woman, she’s different. She presses herself a little bit more, careful not to disturb her and she feels her. She’s soft in every place Kara and her aren't. Her warmth feels like heaven in contrast to her own coldness._

_She looks down and sees the arm wrapped around her waist, and can’t help but to notice that this feels like the most natural thing that has happened to her since she arrived in this Earth. It is like her body was made for this, she feels like she has done this a million times, and she realizes that the only person that could ever give her that sense of safety and normalcy is the one she had been calling before._

_“Lena” Snowbird whispers and she hears a soft and sleepy “Huh?” while a body shuffles behind her to accommodate._

_“Shhh” The blonde turns around and she sees her for the second time in her life, after that encounter in the elevator. She looks as gorgeous as she remembers. Perhaps even more, now that her face is a little swollen from her sleep, giving her puffy eyes and lips. Her hair is a mess and some of it is stuck on her forehead, on top of a sheer thin layer of sweat. This is Lena Luthor without the makeup. Without the weight of the world on her back. Her eyes are shining bright even while they’re narrowed to keep as much light out of her sight as she can while still being able to see Snowbird._

_Kara had really brought her. Lena had actually come to her, and now she was wrapped in her arms after spending some hours of sleep next to her. She notices Lena’s outfit, the plaid skirt, and the long-sleeved shirt. She was working before coming here, and she hadn’t had time to change._

_She sits and Lena watches her, probably still trying to get a hold on the fact that someone just like Kara exists, perhaps trying to figure out what is she doing next to her, trying to calm her down, and why was this woman calling out for her. Snowbird goes near Lena’s feet and kindly takes her heels off, and then she plumps on the bed again and looks up. She suddenly looks nervous and she stutters “I’m— I’m sorry. I should’ve asked first.”_

_Lena hasn’t stop staring at her, marvelled with her very existence._

_“Linda, that’s your name. Right?”_

_No one has called her that way since Lex, she feels more comfortable being called Snowbird. More fitting, considering that her people called her that way. “Her people”. She doesn’t know what’s hers and what isn’t. It seems like since she opened her eyes she has been a tool in someone else’s game. Her life has to be more worthy than that. She— She has to have a purpose, some value. She thinks of correcting her, not wanting to link her to Lex in any way but—_

_“Linda?”_

_She hears Lena speak again and she can’t help but feel the fuzz inside her. Linda never sounded as precious as it sounds now. And, this woman had come to see her. She has kept her company throughout the night, so why wouldn’t Snowbird make an exception for her, and only her? Why should she make her share one name with everyone else when she could have a name only for her?_

_Doesn’t Kara Danvers have different identities? Doesn’t she choose who gets to call her Kara and who gets to only know her as Supergirl? She knows the answer is yes, so she nods._

_“That’s a pretty name.”_

_“Lena is also beautiful.”_

_“Thank you, it was my mom’s idea.” Lena smiles again “Why don’t you come back to sleep? You can wake up well-rested. Calmer.”_

_“I’m sorry for waking you.” Snowbird sobs “I’m sorry for making you come here.”_

_“It’s ok.” Lena tries to get her to be at peace with herself “I don’t sleep that much anyway. L-Corp is like a spoiled child, it demands attention all day.”_

_Lena sees Linda’s lips trembling and the blonde trying to control it “Hey, I swear it is fine. I slept quite comfortably here, and you got to cool off. No biggie.”_

_“Thank you” Linda starts crying and the words are blurted out. “Thank you for everything.”_

_“Whenever you need me.” Lena hugs Linda and puts her head on her chest, caressing her hair, soothing her. She can’t imagine what it must be like being her. She can relate to some extent, having been Lex’s puppet for a while as well, but still… she had found Kara, and her friends, and a life outside of her family but Linda? Linda has nothing. So Lena makes a promise before kissing the blonde’s forehead and closing her eyes “I’ll always be here.”_

_Linda has no idea what love is. Not being able to experience it while being trapped in Kaznia. Not knowing how it feels like. But if love means being able to give up everything to see the girl next to her smile and hug her again, then she’s sure that she could never love someone or something as she loves Lena Luthor._

_She knows she’s in a tiny secluded room in the middle of some government facility in the USA. She knows that she’s trapped there. She knows that the bed is not big enough for both of them to sleep comfortably. And still, she finally feels she has found a place._

*

Linda doesn’t even blink after being called dumb dumb, she even smiles, knowing that Lena is comfortable enough around her to be playful with her. Lex had called her horrible things in the past, but this… she knows Lena is playing, and, again, it makes her feel part of something. Something that’s theirs.

“Alex says it’s normal for friends to hug, but it is polite to ask first.”

“Well, tell Alex that I told you, that you have permission to hug me whenever you want. And that she’s great with you because you’re the most polite girl I know.”

Linda’s eyes grow wide and she smiles

“More polite than Kara?”

Lena sighs and taps Linda’s forehead, before kissing it lightly “You’re both my pretty polite girls and I love you both dearly.”

Linda lets a huff escape her body and she sees Lena’s eyes carry a sting of sadness. The blonde doesn’t want to cause her any kind of pain, but she can’t also help the reaction she has after being reminded that, no matter how hard she wants it to happen, that is not her place, and will never be.

It’s not like Lena doesn’t love her, because Linda knows that it’s not true, but she knows that Lena is not able and will never be able to love her as much as she loves Kara. She also knows that she shouldn’t want Lena to love her as much as she loves her girlfriend. It’s unfair on her, and besides everything, she should feel grateful for even getting to spend time near her.

She shouldn’t make Lena choose between them, not even with these stupid questions, because, it all comes down to this: Lena chose Kara, and Linda was just a casualty that appeared along the way.

Lena feels remorseful, as well. She feels bad for being this close to Linda and wanting to be around her as much as she does, she knows it’s natural considering the Kaznian is kind of another Kara, but she also can see real Kara, her Kara, hurting when she sees them together. Even though she’s understanding of Linda’s situation, even though she’s behaved nicely and has been as selfless as she can, Lena knows her. Kara is in pain.

On the other hand, she feels bad for always putting a wall between her and Linda. She knows it is the right thing to do, but she aches every time she sees Linda’s heart breaking after rejection or a deflection. It is not her fault that she feels so bound to Lena, it’s the remains of Kara speaking through her, the Kara she can’t be, and she hates herself for being the one to remind her that, always.

Lena blinks to prevent any tears from escaping and gets up, holding Linda’s hand and pulling softly so she does the same. Linda hasn’t stopped looking at her, and instead of feeling uncomfortable, she just smiles, watching as the blonde does the same and blushes. Linda always looks at her with adoration and Lena, deep inside of her, feels the same way. She adores her. This woman is part of Kara, the Kara she’s madly in love with. Her partner and best friend.

Linda is the more naïve and innocent version of Kara and although Lena can’t bring herself to want her or love her as a romantic partner, the way she’s sure Linda wants her to be, the brunette has a piece of her heart reserved for the Kaznian. She can’t love Linda the same way she loves Kara, but, at the same time, the feelings she has for Linda are unlike anything she has ever felt for her girlfriend. She loves them both as much, just differently.

“What are today’s plans?” The Kryptonian’s voice interrupts her train of thoughts and she blinks

“Uh— today is Sunday. So, I’m heading to L-Corp, but I’ll be on my way by 2, I hope.” Lena says while she lets go of her hand and takes the clean towel she always leaves next to her bed “I’m going to take a quick shower”

“Can I come with you?” Linda says and Lena chuckles when she feels her gasp and stutter “I mean— to L-Corp, eh— not the shower, of course.”

The brunette turns around and faces her, trying to look as unbothered as she can so she doesn’t feel more embarrassed than she already is.

“I have some work to do over there, Linda. You don’t want to go to the DEO today?”

Linda sighs and shrugs.

“It’s testing day, I don’t want to do tests. I want to see Alex, but she has to work in the lab so if I go—“

“You’re getting your black blood out for medical exams” Lena makes an exaggerated disgust expression and Linda laughs “Gross”

“And it’s so painful!”

“It’s silly that you’ve trained with the military and faced Kara on the battlefield, yet you’re scared of needles” Lena rolls her eyes and adds “Anyway, I know you’re supposed to fix breakfast on Sundays but, since you were asleep, I did it myself and left you some waffles.”

Linda watches her go to the bathroom and disappear behind the door. So, again, she’s left to her own devices and walks to the kitchen.

*

_“Hey Kaznian Danvers, how are you today?”_

_Snowbird looks up excitedly as soon as she recognizes the voice and runs to the woman’s arms, looking for a big hug “Alex!” She stops midway, not sure if the director was ok with it._

_“Come on, bring it in, kiddo.” Alex encourages her gently moving her arms and opening them wide, so Snowbird finishes the steps she has left and holds her tightly. Hiding her head in the crook of her neck while she smiles hearing Alex’s words “You’re getting better at these. Great strength control.” The oldest Danvers pokes her on the ribs and Snowbird backs off while giggling amusedly._

_“I missed you. Although probably you’re here to run some tests.”_

_“Nope”. Alex shakes her head “Came here to have lunch and spend time with you, actually.” The brunette sits down on the chair and puts the bags on top of the table while gesturing Snowbird to sit across from her “It must be boring living here at the DEO.”_

_“Will I be able to go home with you?”_

_“I talked to J’Onn” Alex smiles while seeing the face of expectation staring back at her “And he said he still has to work some things with you for at least some months. However, yes. You’re coming home with me next week.”_

_Snowbird feels silent tears wetting her cheeks and the saltiness reaching her lips. She brightly smiles, her cheeks hurting all of the sudden because of how big her smile is. She’s finally leaving this little room and she’s finally getting a home. At least, temporarily. She was going home with Alex, soon. She has never felt happier. Perhaps when Lena slept next to her, and also when Lena visits her, but still… these were the most amazing news she had received._

_Alex doesn’t want to acknowledge the blonde’s tears, so she tenderly smiles while handing her the burger from the bag. “How are they treating you here, Snowbird? Are you liking this new life so far?”_

_The Kryptonian gives the burger its first bite and shrugs._

_“I guess” She speaks with her mouth full and earns a menacing look from Alex. So she swallows the food and apologizes, remembering the manners J’Onn had taught her and mentally chuckling for annoying her “It gets better when you, Lena or J’Onn are around. Everyone treats me nicely, but— I don’t know, it feels like I just don’t belong in here.”_

_“Well, you lived a really different life. You know, different people, but you’ll get used to it. National City is your home now, and you can be what you want to be and do everything you want after we sort things out.”_

_“The US is so different from Kaznia.”_

_“I know, and that’s why you have to settle at your own pace. It is good to write down what you like so far… that’ll help you enjoy things a little bit more.” Alex winks_

_“Lena said yes” Snowbird blurts out and almost chokes with the food. She clears her throat and continues “Lena said yes and told me that I can do it whenever I want.”_

_She feels Alex’s mind shifting and she fixes her leather jacket before reaching for a chip. “Kara hasn’t said anything yet. You know, so we have to wait.” She dips it in cheddar cheese and takes a bite “I mean if Lena said yes then you already have almost everything done. I’m glad she did, spending at least one weekend with her will do you well, even J’Onn said so. But, you know— Kara, as her girlfriend—“_

_“I know” Snowbird interrupts her “She has the right to know and if she says ‘no’, then I should respect her decision.”_

_She finishes her meal hoping that the other blonde finally agreed to it. But she could only wait… hoping that both Alex and Lena could be part of her new life. She could start being happy from now._

*

Kara had said yes. She knows she had done it unwillingly, it’s not something she’d have wanted, but the power of persuasion Alex Danvers has was enough for Kara to agree.

Linda had followed her advice. Already smelling the cinnamon and the vanilla that had been mixed in the waffle’s dough. She made her list and added the three things in National City she wouldn’t trade for the world: The time she spends with Alex, Lena Luthor, and Lena Luthor’s waffles. It couldn’t possibly get better than that.

Linda notices the bowl of neatly cut pieces of fruit and the bottle of honey next to the tower of waffles. She quickly dismisses it, knowing that if she doesn’t eat it, Lena will still have it as a snack. She smiles going straight to the whipped cream can and the chocolate syrup bottle Lena had also left on the counter, with a tiny post-it on top of them _“just in case you decide to ignore my fruit-cutting efforts_ _L_ _”_

Her super-speed isn’t only a cool power when she wants to get to places faster. It was also a nice thing to have when she wanted to devour her breakfast. Alex always said that, if she took her time, she’d enjoy the flavours longer and be happy with her food, but Linda’s impatience became noticeable since day one— It was something that, once again, made her and Kara equals. She wants breakfast, and she wants it now.

The blonde starts a competition with herself, trying to finish the plate quicker than she did last time. Would it get to the minute? Would she be able to do it in seconds? Linda enjoys the first hit of sugary goodness and tries to chew as fast as she can, not wanting to waste more time between one waffle and the other, so when she hears a burst of clear laughter behind her that makes her stop, she huffs.

It’s not like she doesn’t enjoy the interruption, because she’d rather not eat waffles again if she can hear Lena’s laugh one more time, but she wishes the brunette had appeared at least one second after she had finished breakfast.

Linda turns around with her mouth full and Lena softly smiles at her, while approaching

“Hey, don’t stop because of me. Rejoice in those carbs, you can’t gain weight, you lucky woman.”

Linda swallows her food slowly and tries not to choke after seeing Lena like that. She blushes because of the comment, and focuses on the woman walking to the counter to get her last cup of coffee.

Her long hair is hanging free. Damp from the shower and exuding the most intoxicating lavender scent Linda has ever smelled, droplets of water still adorning her neck and arms. She’s barefoot and her feet leave tiny prints on the porcelain floor that decorates her kitchen. She smiles dumbly.

There’s something about Lena Luthor she won’t ever decipher. How on earth could she have this much power over a Kryptonian?

This moment… this was always her favourite. The minutes between Lena’s shower and Lena changing into a powerful suit or a striking dress. Within those minutes, she always wore the comfiest clothes she could find, which were usually oversized hoodies or t-shirts, like trying to earn a little bit of extra time of comfort while she drank her last coffee at home and got to work.

Linda shakes her head and keeps on eating. Not taking her eyes away from Lena, who hasn’t even noticed the blonde’s stare, and not daring to stop smiling.

“Can I stay here, Lena? While you’re out.”

That manages to catch the brunette’s attention. She looks back, holding the big mug and sits across her while checking her tablet.

“Yes, you can. But, you know, I’d have to let Alex know that and she might want to come here and—”

“Take me to the DEO anyway”

“Uh— ” Lena focuses on any other option she could provide to avoid Linda having to go there and sighs when she finds nothing “Yes.”

“I can take care of myself. You know?”

“I don’t doubt it, darling.”

“Then why does everyone fear me staying by myself?”

“Because we love you, Linda. And we don’t want to risk any chance of anyone looking for you until we’re sure you have everything under control.”

Lena’s eyes look sincere and Linda tries to not get lost in the bright green. Like Kryptonite green, but warmer and painless.

“I am trying to get all under control. But I can defend myself if someone gets here!” She stabbed the waffle with her fork with annoyance “I’m as strong and smart as Kara.”

“But she has more than 10 years of training ahead of you.”

Linda sighs and goes back to eating her meal. She knows Lena is right, she just doesn’t want to let her know it. She sees her getting up hurriedly and tip-toeing fast to her room, so Linda checks the time and sees that she has less than 30 minutes to go to L-Corp, explaining her sudden rush.

She slowly chews, now playing another game of trying to differentiate every flavour in her mouth. The butter, the chocolate, a sparkle of cinnamon… vanilla and—

“C’mon, you’re going to spread that bad humour all over National City. Cheer up, I can’t afford a reason to ditch work today.” Lena smiles and shakes Linda by the shoulders teasingly, while the blonde smiles because of the affection and shrugs her shoulders.

“I don’t want to go there.”

“I know, I know. And I don’t judge you, really.” Lena leans of the alien’s shoulder, trying to get the balance needed to put on her heels. “But hey, I can tell Kara to keep you company for a while, if you’re not feeling like leaving.”

Lena doesn’t notice the change on Linda’s face, too focused on fixing the burgundy coat of her tailored suit. She looks impeccable, as always, but the blonde doesn’t get to focus on that.

“I don’t want Kara to come here and stay with me.”

Lena snaps her face up to look at Linda, trying to look for any sign of discomfort or hurt, because she knows— God, she knows that any time she mentions one blonde’s name in front of the other, someone gets hurt, even a little bit.

Her eyes are glossy, but they’re usually like that when Linda wakes up. However, she carries a frown that makes her look like a little kid that doesn’t get away with his wants. She tries to calm her down, hiding one strand of Linda’s hair behind her ear.

“I’m just saying that— ” She shrugs “If you’re both here, Alex won’t take you to the DEO.”

Linda gets up with a clean plate and takes it to the dishwasher

“I rather go to the DEO. I don’t want to see Kara.”

“That bad, huh?”

“It’s complicated.”

Lena sighs grabbing her stuff and looks at her. She knows she can’t do much about it, especially because she doesn’t get what goes on inside both of her Kryptonian’s mind. She deeply and truly wishes she could spare them both from that sorrow they seem to carry everywhere, but she can’t and she feels hopeless about it.

“I know I don’t fully comprehend the reasons behind that— uh— feeling towards Kara. I also know that I can’t understand the way she feels about you, but Linda—“ Lena swallows and tries to look as vulnerable as she can. Not wanting to seem forceful, especially with the way she is dressed “Kara is trying, you know? I mean, you don’t have to like her but this bit of normalcy you have gotten has had a lot to do with her. She has also made sacrifices, and deep down, she cares about you wholeheartedly.”

“It’s something ingrained in me. Look, I know I’m wrong” Linda starts, not wanting Lena to think she’s ungrateful “I’m thankful for everything she has— you both have done for me. I just— I don’t know.”

“I’m sorry you feel the way you do, Linda. If I could do more, trust me, I would. But I— I just can’t.”

“I know.”

Lena starts fidgeting with her fingers while looking everywhere, like looking for the answers in the room for her to start speaking again. Linda notices her wandering, she also sees that Lena is trying to get something out of her but can’t find the way to do it, so she decides to intervene and make it easier for the brunette.

“What happened?”

“Uh— Remember I told you that Sundays would be our day, right?”

“Yes.” The blonde looks up at her curiously and with a sting of nervousness. Was Lena cancelling? Would she finally tell her she had had enough with her? She wouldn’t know what to do without Lena. Was this something she had done? Linda felt the air get colder “Lena, is everything alright?”

“Yes, yes. It’s just that— I’m sorry I brought it up this way. I should have told you sooner but I didn’t—”

“What?”

“Uhm, since we were speaking about Kara—“

“Yes?” Linda grows impatient by the minute “Is she coming with us?”

“Well, no. I fully intend to come home soon and spend the afternoon together. You and I. As I promised, but, you see—“ Lena takes a deep breath and stares at Linda. She wishes to soften her words but she realizes that she’s only making one simple statement longer than it should be. “It’s our anniversary today. And I would really like to spend the evening with Kara.”

She wants to give Kara the attention she deserves. They don’t live together yet, for her to see Kara every day, and with the hectic schedule Supergirl has had since Linda’s appearance, it has been certainly difficult to spend time together as they used to, even before they were a couple. Lena knows she’s doing the right thing, Kara is her partner at the end of the day, but when she sees Linda’s eyes clouding, she feels a stab of guilt go through her.

The blonde clenches her fists. She uses her strength and the pressure on her hands to keep everything inside and not let the pain escape her. It’s a reasonable thing. They deserve their time together, Linda knows she has been intruding and yet— it all hurts so much she can feel her heart breaking. If only she had the chance, but she never would.

Lena sees the shivering lips and the tiniest of tears escaping Linda’s eyes and she sobs quietly. Running towards her and holding her in her arms. Hearing soft whispers filled with sadness

“It is our day.”

Linda feels Lena’s grip get tighter around her and instead of warmness, and happiness and everything she feels when Lena hugs her, she feels lonely. She feels like nothing. This is just pity. This is a woman that loves her dearly but could never love her enough. This is a woman that loves her but doesn’t love her as much as her other half. As the person she will never be.

Linda shrugs Lena away lightly but the brunette doesn’t let go, managing to leave a little kiss on her shoulder. The blonde puts her hands on Lena’s arms and pushes her softly.

“I’m sorry, Lena.”

“Are you ok?”

Linda starts walking towards the door, trying to escape.

“Yeah, sure— I’m going to the DEO.”

“Look, we can talk if it’ll make you feel better” Lena says with a tiny hint of hope “I can be a little late”

“No. I’m fine, you go work.” Linda dismisses her, opening the door. “See you soon”

“Linda, wait—“

The door closes behind Linda and she walks as fast as she can without bringing unwanted attention towards her. She feels like shit for shutting Lena out like that but one more second and she wouldn’t have been able to make it. The hot tears on her cheeks let her know that.

And what can she do?

Beg her to stay? She can’t do that and use Lena’s guilt against her. She knows she would cancel on Kara and neither of them deserves that.

Smile like it doesn’t shatter her the fact that the woman she loves belongs to someone else? She can’t do that. She has been acting like a puppet since she opened her eyes for the first time, and now that she feels… she can’t stop her emotions from getting the best of her. Now that she feels, she wishes she had never been able to.

She runs to the first alley she can find and wastes no time flying away from National City. The roar of the wind next to her fills her ears and clouds her mind for a while, feeling her body rise and merge with the sky. The sun rays creating their way through her skin, filling it with power. One she didn’t choose.

She doesn’t like flying. She doesn’t like anything that gives her more power than a regular human would have, yet she needs to escape, and she smiles when she senses the sounds of the city further and further away.

She trusts her gut to lead the way and roams the skies freely, without a direction and giggles loudly like a little girl when the first droplets of water hit her skin and make her hair glue to her face. It feels like the clouds are cleaning her from her sorrow, so she nods and thanks Rao and goes down with her super flying speed towards the ocean.

She has been flying for a while and she knows she’s kilometres away from Lena’s place, but she still checks the area before going to the blue surface and grazing her fingers on the water. She’s alone. The closest heartbeat being miles away.

She looks up and sees the cliff staring back at her. An opening on a big rock serving as a little cave. Linda flies and lands softly, taking her shoes off and feeling the wet grass beneath her toes.

*

_A hard slap lands on her cheek and she feels the thick liquid going down, warming her skin._

_“What did I tell you?”_

_“To destroy the weapon.”_

_“Why didn’t you do it?”_

_“He needed to be saved.”_

_Another fist gets to her body, and she howls in pain, covering her side. The blood running down is black, she sees it merging with her sweat and now with the tears she’s letting out._

_“Nothing and no one is more important than the mission. You keep that in mind when you fight Supergirl.”_

_Snowbird feels the absence of the Kryptonite almost immediately, because, as soon as the bald man leaves the room and closes the door behind him, her body starts recovering fast. Her skin seals the wounds on her face and the bruises on her body start lightening, matching her skin tone once again._

_She curls on the corner of her room and sees herself. The blood dried up, leaving a black stain on her jacket and her neck. She knows that all of the others bleed differently and she wonders why her blood is that dark. The sharp contrast with the white skin standing out and making her feel dirty._

_Does it have something to do with her powers? Does Supergirl have the same blood as her?_

_She doesn’t know._

_She rather fantasizes about the things she would do if she was out of there and didn’t have to train. She listens to the rain outside, clashing with the military facility and freezing when landing on the snow._

_She dreams about the water washing her skin and taking away the blood that’s glued on her. She dreams about tapping her feet and dancing the Khorovod with the nearest village, next to the clueless Kaznians that have no idea that she’s trapped here, dreaming about them._

_Would they let her sing and dance with them?_

_She grabs the tiny Matryoshkas and hums the folk songs she has heard from the distance while moving them to the rhythm._

_She hopes._

*

“Those are good moves.”

Linda stops, not even noticing she had been softly dancing on the grass. She lets out a pissed off huff and takes her shoes to get to the cave.

“What are you doing here?”

Kara walks towards where she is and lays down on the floor, sighing.

“Lena was worried.”

“What?” Linda looks at her confused

“You told her you would go down to the DEO, she called Alex to check on you and Alex said you weren’t there. Fast forward, she calls me worried sick and I fly here.”

“How did you find me?”

Kara chuckles and sits down, resting her back on the wall.

“I used to come here when I was young” She smiles remembering her childhood days “When Eliza got mad at me for using my powers or when I couldn’t take Alex anymore. This has always been my safe place.”

“So this is also yours, huh? Perfect.”

Kara frowns and puts her legs to her chest, hugging them. She shouldn’t be affected this much. She wants to insult Snowbird so hard for not accepting her, but she knows she would waste her time. Snowbird, because she can’t call her Linda, because if anyone but Lena calls her that, she’s facing hell.

She wants to yell at her, but she knows she has to be the mature one— even when she has to share her girlfriend. Even when—

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that." Kara looks up and sees the woman with a look of remorse on her face. Linda bites her lip hard and focuses her eyes on the floor, while she plays with a tiny rock.

“Have I ever done something wrong to you?”

Linda hears Kara say and she shakes her head

“No.”

“Then why do you insist on hating me? If I— ”

“If you have done everything in your power to give me some comfort and normalcy?”

“I didn’t want to say that.”

Linda shrugs her shoulders

“But you thought about it, and that’s ok. I know it’s true.” She sighs and hides her face in her hands “I don’t know, Kara. It’s envy talking through me, I guess.”

“You want Lena to yourself, that’s more than obvious. Is that why you hate me?”

Kara doesn’t even hide the poison on her voice

“It’s more complicated than that” Linda chuckles without emotion “But kind of. If I could share my life with Lena, I know I would be happy. I wouldn’t be able to share her with you, the way you do with me. Once again, you prove to be better.”

“It’s so frustrating because I get it, you know. You’re me, in a way. I get why you’re attracted to her. And you also get why I’m jealous. And I hate that I can’t hate you, because I love you— because you’re me, Rao.”

Kara rambles and Linda smiles while feeling her tears clouding her eyes

“I’m sorry, Kara. I know I’ve changed your life for the worse. But, I never asked for this life.” Linda shrugs again and hides her face more into her hands “I didn’t ask to be created or live the life I’ve lived.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t, Kara. And I’m so happy you don’t because I would never wish this to you. I would never want you to be this miserable.” She starts crying without shame. At the end of the day, this was her other self. It was like talking to a mirror. “I want to disappear, Kara. Every single day.”

“People would miss you here.”

“Your people.”

“They also love you, Snowbird.”

“It’s not the same, I can never have a life here.”

“Yes, you can!” Kara says and gets a little bit closer to the other blonde “I mean, Alex is making her best effort to get you to live with her. J’Onn too. And Lena, she loves you, I know it and you also know it.”

Linda snorts amused and sighs afterward.

“I love you, Kara. You know? I love you because you’re me, so even though I’m a pain in the ass for you, it makes me laugh when Lena or someone else thinks I hate you.” Linda looks at Kara and sees her confused expression “But now we’re apart and we can’t ever be together again. Any idea of what that implies?”

“I guess, I—“

“I’m supposed to be you, Kara. With you. Inside of that mind of yours, our mind. But now I’m stuck with all of our thoughts, all of our feelings and none of our life.” She throws a rock away from her as far as she can, letting out all of the frustration she’s been bottling inside “It’s so hard, Kara.” She cries loudly and her voice distorts a little bit, but she doesn’t care.

“It’s so hard. We both have the same feelings, we share the same love. I love her, Kara, just as much as you do, yet, unlike you, I cannot live with that love. I’m forced to be without that love, and it’s not your fault but it aches— it breaks me inside Kara, it crushes my heart. So fucking much.”

“I hadn’t thought about it that way. I’m sorry, you have to feel like that. If I could change it—”

“There’s nothing to change. My happiness can’t be dependent on taking your place in the world or fighting you for people’s affection” Linda gets up and continues talking “I love Alex as much as you love her, as a sister would, but she’s not my sister and she’ll never be. I love Lena as much as you do, as a girlfriend would, yet she’ll never see me as such and I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I made her get away from you.”

Linda feels Kara’s arms around her and she cries on her shoulder. Hugging her as well and apologizing.

“I would never forgive myself if I hurt either of you. Those weekends I have spent with her made me feel like I was worthy, you know?”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry you have to feel this way. This is all my fault. I should have never… If I hadn’t touched that rock. If I had been smarter this wouldn’t be happening.”

“It’s ok. You gave me life, didn’t you? That’s something.”

“If I had known, I would have been easier on you.”

“I’m the one that’s been an ass, you’ve been perfect.”

Linda feels Kara hugging her again and she feels somehow more relaxed now, even though sadness still has her by the neck. Kara is the person that can understand her the most, Kara is the other half of her and to be in her arms feels as natural as when they were both together.

They still have things to sort out, but getting to talk about them is the first step. This is her family and she knows she has to make it better. For her, for both of them.

“We’ll work something out. Together. Ok?”

Kara holds Linda’s face and makes her see her. Wiping her tears with her hands and finishing with a kiss on her forehead.

“I need to be my own, I want to be my own. But how?”

Linda gets interrupted by Kara’s phone ringing and, even though Kara looks hesitant to answer, Linda encourages her to do it.

It’s Alex, Kara mouths before picking it up and Linda nods.

“Hey Alex, what’s up?

“Did you find her? The kid has me worried sick!”

Linda hears Alex’s desperate voice and feels guilty all of the sudden for the little scene she provoked. She worried Lena and ruined Alex’s morning, the two people she cared for the most hurt by her.

“Yes, I’m here with her.”

“Jesus, thank God. Tell her I got takeout and that I love her.”

Linda smiles sadly because of the words

“Will do. Please, let Lena know.”

“Alright. Love you both. Take care.”

When Kara hangs up, Linda whispers her answer quietly “I love her too.” and wipes her last tears.

“We can ask her for help. She’s one of the smartest people ever, she can figure out something. But you need to cheer up first.”

Linda smiles shyly

“I can try.” She frowns “Do you really think she can give us the answer?”

“Do you trust Alex Danvers?”

Linda nods without hesitation

“Then just come with me.”

And Linda follows her and prays for the first time in her life. She hopes they can actually fix this. She wants to finally show the world what she has been forced to hide all this time.

She dreams about being free one more time.

She wants to be Linda.

She wants to be happy.

From Kara’s motto, she chooses hope.

And what else could she need besides that?

**Author's Note:**

> If you got here, you're the best. For real :)
> 
> I'm waiting for your thoughts!
> 
> [Snowbird](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18266096/chapters/47089465) is also available and complete now if you want to read another story featuring the lovely Kaznian Kriptonian. 
> 
> And I'm also on [tumblr](https://ellie-aird.tumblr.com/), in case you want to follow me


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